By Shari Rhodes

Many of us journey through life disillusioned and disconnected from our experiences and ourselves. We buy into social conditioning and what we learned from our parents, friends, teachers and media. We draw our identity from our social roles and what we put out into the world. But at some point, we begin to question who we really are and recognize that we cannot measure our worth by our precipitations in the outside world. It becomes too painful to identify with our perceived sense of failure and disappointment with our work, relationships and experiences not turning out the way we had thought. Many of us become jaded, disillusioned and bitter. Life hasn’t turned out the way we had hoped. Our high hopes about the future have failed us as we face the stark reality of how it is. We question ourselves about where we went wrong and how life let us down. We blame others or ourselves and try to make sense of it all.

It becomes necessary to drop into a deeper sense of who we are beyond our social roles and identities. Many of us don’t know how to love ourselves and stand in an internal sense of personal power and worth regardless of our life experiences and reactions. Many of us didn’t learn about self-confidence and self esteem from our parents and it certainly wasn’t taught in church or school. So how do we stand strong and solid inside ourselves aligned with our true inner selves in our daily walk through the mundane responsibilies and interactions with others? How do we not get caught up in the collective energy around us and not get lost in the external world values? How do we resist comparing ourselves to others in terms of money, financial success or achievement? How do we feel ok just as we are and know we are enough regardless of what we do or what challenges life throws at us?

Though lots of people come from nurturing and functional childhoods, accomplish great things and have healthy self-esteem and personal worth, many of us struggle to feel ok within ourselves. Loving ourselves or even liking ourselves doesn’t come easily and it’s much easier to beat up, make ourselves wrong and not feel good enough. Coming from a history of childhood neglect, abuse or trauma, many of us didn’t have reinforcement, affection or a model of a healthy and nurturing internal dialogue. We don’t know how to do it for ourselves.

Until this internal conflict is resolved, we push/pull throughout our lives with people and situations without feeling a stable solid connection within. We shift around, constantly moving through people and places looking for that connection externally. However it is never out there anywhere.

We cannot find our ground anywhere until we decide to start accepting ourselves for who we are and knowing we are dearly loved and ok inside ourselves. Without that love, reinforcement and nurture from our family, we have to learn to create that sense of loving within ourselves. This is the journey. Inner contentment needs to become our primary friend. Until we find that within ourselves, we will always feel lost, empty disconnected and looking for the greener pasture to fill that inner void where the child within us feels abandoned by the adult.

We need to recognize that the child, the adult and the wise one within must learn to live together in harmony in our physical body and conscious mind. The aim becomes to consciously love ourselves everyday accepting who we are. We are the most important person in our world. We can’t expect to create loving and nurturing relationships with others until we come to a nurturing place within ourselves in our own internal dialogue.
All life experiences and interactions are mirrored or reflected from the place we don’t like ourselves. Misunderstanding in relationship often reflects where we are in conflict within ourselves. What we are most frustrated about within ourselves, (where we don’t feel good enough) will most likely show up in the hot topics where we feel the most activated. Conflicts and resentments over issues such as money, miscommunication, imbalances in domestic expectations, sexuality, not enough nurture, affection and intimacy can often reflect this.

There are many avenues of support for building a more positive connection with the self.
Reprogramming the consciousness and unconscious thought processes through various counseling modalities can be quite useful such as hypnosis, NLP, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Gestalt, Voice Dialogue, and EFT. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, biofeedback, yoga, subliminal tapes, feldenchrist, the marshal arts and deep breathing can also be useful in slowing down the mind and negative thinking.

The soul journey through each earth body is always of value and sacredness. It is about the evolution and growth of the soul. Self-awareness is the key to change. We can’t push our minds be feel ok when things feel turned upside down and not what we want.
We are not always aware of what we most need to learn in challenging situations. Life can push us so hard. We need to figure out what we need to make it ok inside. It's important to recognize that life is just a game, a hologram of life lesson. Our external experiences don’t define the core of us. Our soul essence stands larger than the game and the challenges present for growth. Life can be a test of endurance, perseverance, patience, and stamina, a building of courage, faith, trust, and tolerance. It challenges us to the core to accept the things we cannot change and to somehow trust the flow of events that take us deeper into ourselves and closer to the truth in our hearts. Life pushes us to reveal ourselves to ourselves beyond the social mask and who we think ourselves to be. It challenges us to grow beyond who we think we are and go deeper into a place of acceptance of things as they are, not what we want them to be. We are being pushed to question the perceived reality of our thoughts and perceptions, to grow beyond our thoughts and beliefs about what life is or should be, into a place of surrender into how it is. That is the rub - to be able to sit and be and know that is enough without adding anything to the mix.

Beyond the challenges of survival of raising a family, paying the mortgage, dealing with the conflicts of relationship, the death of loved ones, illness, the financial challenges of holding the business together, just getting through daily life, somewhere there is place inside ourselves that goes beyond our thoughts and perceptions and the external events. By getting in touch with that internal quiet place, being present and listening to a deeper pulse inside, it moves the consciousness beyond the physical frame and identification to it.

Contentment in life is about loving ourselves and knowing its ok just being who we are because that is enough. There is nothing to prove because life simply is what it is. We don’t have to punish ourselves or make life or ourselves wrong because circumstances don’t fit our expectations. From the deeper perspective, there is nowhere to get to and nothing we have to do or be in order to be loved and loveable just as we are. We are good enough. We make a difference just being who we are. We just have to accept ourselves and recognize that life with all its challenges, its ups and downs, is simply life. It is enough to just be who we are and know that at the end of the day, we need to make the most of each moment, appreciate the beautiful things and love and connect as much as we can. After all we are all in this together working out our soul lessons, doing the best we can and that is good enough.



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Shari Rhodes has been an international Intuitive Reader for the past 30 years. She is currently a citizen of both the United States and New Zealand. Shari’s purpose is to support people to grow and move forward in a positive direction with greater clarity, self-empowerment and self-confidence. She offers readings, workshops and public talks. She is available for sessions in person or over the phone at (027) 6295469 You can email Shari at home@sharirhodes.com,, or visit her website at www.intuitivereadings.co.nz