THE SPIRITUAL COST OF SUICIDE - an exploration of grief, loss and bereavement
By Shari Rhodes

“Grief, death and the human experience”

Every person has a designated time of exit on the soul contract.  The number of suicides in New Zealand is at an alarming increase.  Many clients and friends I know have experienced the loss of loved ones to this choice.  Often there isn’t enough support resources in the community to address the impact suicide or death by natural causes has on people left behind.

It is important to note that no one’s life is without merit. We all impact each other.  Every person is linked on an energetic chain.  One person’s actions and reactions affect another and on the cycle goes.  People have free will and free choice.  However no one is scripted for suicide.  One’s contractual requirements are complete when the lessons are worked through and the person has fulfilled the requirement for growth.

Everyone has his or her own unique response to the challenges in life.  Suicide is running away from the lesson plan.  However every person is loved and respected the same on his/her evolutionary pathway from the higher perspective.  However there is no escaping the karmic lessons and test.  One must pass through them all to attain enlightenment and freedom from the human karmic wheel.  If a person chooses to not complete the learning task on his soul blueprint, he must re-create a different scenario, or set of learning conditions, to try to work the lessons through.  Sometimes the exercise becomes more complicated when an emotional issue is compounded by a conscious choice to take one’s own life.

A person never fully understands where he/she is at in soul growth while in physical form.  One may be just at the edge of a learning breakthrough, at the brink of feeling self-destructive.  The dark night or heightened emotional angst is a part of journeying to those deep internal places of self and the healing required to clear cellular karmic material.  It can be painful working through life lessons especially around loss, devastation, bankruptcy, broken dreams and sickness, However a person must journey these hard places in order to discover what one is made of in terms of strength, tenacity, depth of feeling, humility and compassion.  How can a person hold another in understanding and compassion if he hasn’t known his own life in tatters or experienced loss?

Suicide is not the answer.  It simply means one must find another turn in the road or another means of emotional support.  Sometimes there are no easy answers and a person has to wade the test of time to allow the feelings of devastation to alleviate.  Remember every person has choice.  There is a solution or backside to every problem.  The situation would not be created if there wasn’t a resolution or end point to the issue. Life is like a series of mathematical formulations.  It is in the trouble shooting examining the layout of the situation and configuration of variables so an appropriate course can be determined.  This is where soul growth can occur.

Sometimes puzzles are complex and cannot be immediately rectified.  That is the learning challenge, to sit within it with faith and trust and not lose heart or perspective of the bigger picture.  It is about holding the tension and waiting for clarification on how to move.  It is in the  “holding pass” that presents the most awesome emotional challenge for human’s to know that “this too shall pass”.   One can get through and somehow come out stronger for having walked through the death of a loved one.  The truth is as long as one is in human form that person will endure no matter how tough the situation.  For example, if a person is in prison, there is nothing left to do, but find a way to survive it. Humans have extraordinary strength and resilience.

These karmic tests are a measure of the tenacity of spirit.  When one discovers it, it becomes unshakable, intractable and insurmountable.  No matter what the circumstances, humans are designed to triumph over the scripted hardships. They are made to endure.  The skin is tough.  Even though the experience can feel overwhelming.  This is the human condition,par for the course.  There is no true falling, only what the soul perceives.  Everything is choreographed, a series of lessons to be played out.  Every human has his turn.  There is no way out of the karmic loop until events play out.  There is no escaping the test. Even with suicide, the person may have to design another human life to work through these emotional issues.

Every person has a designated time or exit on the soul contract.  When that is breached, there may be a stand down time or waiting period in the astral field or other dimensions until that individual life stream can be transported up and out by an escort scheduled to be there.  If a person decides to leave too soon, it becomes difficult to find the way to the light or the next portal alone or uninvited.

It is like trying to visit another country without a passport. At the portal or final gate, the individual soul must be met and escorted up to the light or next dimensional realm.  These old friends, guides or ancestors who have passed or who are currently not embodied, come to greet these souls at the point of transition offering comfort, healing and solace.  The guardians or spirit guides who have watched over the person present themselves and assist in the moving on or letting go of the physical garment.

Once the person is free from the body, the perspective greatly increases.  The sense of dimensional framework or the etheric body expands unencumbered by the limits of the third dimensional physical skin and the emotional body.  It is not a great idea to take one’s life.  It is a loss of a precious opportunity for soul growth and has a catastrophic impact on those close to them.  There can be a long waiting period to re-embody on the earth plane at this time.   This learning game is in high demand especially during these current economic times.  It is advisable to play the learning course out and complete, no matter how heavy the hand.  It’s about endurance to the end.  Then the person doesn’t have to rechoreograph his life circumstance in quite the same way. Its better to sweat out the hard stuff and have the chance to successfully work through lessons.  Rember, everyone has a turn at the good and the bad.  It is just how one handles it that makes all the difference.

So what can we do once we have lost someone we love to suicide or death by natural causes?  We can send our prayers and blessings out in mediation or with a group and try to assist the person to transition to the light or pass to the “Love and Charity Hospital.”  It is important to reach out and ask for support, no matter how vulnerable we feel.  Society often doesn’t encourage open disclosure of grief.  Emotional pain and intensity can frighten people, mirroring their own issues.  People sometimes will move away from those who are grieving because it becomes too confrontive and painful and they don’t know how to deal with it.

However facing this pain provides the opportunity to openly discuss feelings, increase intimacy and drop to a more authentic place of sharing.  Our culture reinforces the concept of getting on with things and putting things back together as quickly as possible.  However sometimes that is to make others around the grieving person feel more comfortable and emotionally safe, so they don’t have to feel their own of fear of mortality or feelings of hopelessness, helplessness or despair.  Many people who have lost precious loved ones can feel a deep sense of loneliness and powerlessness and not know how to let go and move on with their lives.  Reaching out for support then becomes critical to work through these difficult feelings.

There are many support resources in the community to assist those considering suicide or others who have lost a loved one to suicide. Lifeline, counselors specialized in bereavement and grief management, support groups, as well as various healing modalities such as massage, yoga, meditation, prayer, workshops, journaling, sound and movement or other healing modalities such as naturopathy, acupuncture, breath and energy work, hypnosis, NLP, CBT, Hakomi, Gestalt, Voice Dialogue, shamanic journeying, etc.  It is important that the person grieving takes time to self-nurture and share his/her feelings and not hold them inside. Being in nature and following creative pursuits can also be beneficial.

It is important to remember the impermanence of the earth game and the physical form.  Individual souls experience many different forms and karmic playouts.  There is no actual death or demise of one’s intrinsic spirit.  It is simply a letting go of one form to another over and over again.  There is great learning opportunity confronting the loss of a loved one.   By dropping into these hard places of loss, suffering, pain, anger and abandonment, a person can come to know themselves in a deeper and more authentic way.

The grieving process is not easy for anyone.  But it does have a place in the death and rebirth cycles of the human journey.  Many of us experience a sense of death or loss on all sorts of levels, whether it is in the desolation of a significant relationship, a major move or life change or loss of home, employment, health, vitality or friendships.  We don’t have to hold it all together or try to manage alone.  We are all here together, doing the best we can to work through these challenging life lessons.  It is important to reach out and ask for what we need, to have the courage to be open, authentic and vulnerable, to let others see us for who we are without the mask or social persona, and to recognize that we are ok just as we are, no matter what we are going through.

The human experience is about embracing all of who we are, not just the bits we like and to know every emotion is beautiful and a part of the divine.  We can then celebrate and hold compassion for each other, honoring each person’s own unique destiny and learning pathway.  Then we have come to a place of true peace, connection and brotherhood.  After all, we are all in the learning soup together and what an amazing journey it is.




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Shari Rhodes has been an international Intuitive Reader for the past 30 years. She is currently a citizen of both the United States and New Zealand. Shari’s purpose is to support people to grow and move forward in a positive direction with greater clarity, self-empowerment and self-confidence. She offers readings, workshops and public talks. She is available for sessions in person or over the phone at (027) 6295469 You can email Shari at,, or visit her website at